25th of december 2006.

i went back home at 7, had a small breakfast and jump to bed...
Sleep! all e way to 3 plus in the afternoon...
i had those dreams...
i was too tired, and sleepy...
cannot decide whether it is a dream or not...
very tired and sleepy
i remember i woke up to receive a msg from you, that i thought was a dream...
about a hour later, i really went awake.
check my handphone msgs and there!!!
its really from you!
i did msg back quickily, short and simple, i hope you'll received it...
you told me that you are flying off soon...but i hope that im not too late...
yups, i promise! i will always becareful wen riding...i'll take care but i hope you really do...really do so
i miss you too...lots and loads...
i'll await fer your return...

b4 that i tried to call you, but ur hp is off...i guessed im too late...dun worry, i'll pray fer you everyday!, u knew i will!

26th of december 2006

i woke up, the first thought is where are you now?..
i miss you soo...
i went to work as per normal..
kinda felt alone...but i remembered a msg from you,...
i will nvr be alone, cux you are always there...
haa, i can work betta!lols
went to meet zg and mg,...through the journey,...
i still cannot stop thinking bout you...
i wanna hold you and said that i miss you...
i cannot sleep at night, nt sure why...so i look at something you
gave me nt long ago...the last day of school, if u remembered...
from there...my eyes slowly shut tight...
i miss you...

27th of december 2006

i had my breakfast b4 goin to work, watch the news...
taiwan hit by a quake, hong kong and china was affected...
i'm very worried...very very
i quickily had my prayers,
i hope you're fine there...
i dare not think of bad stuffs, cux i've yet to cherish you much
i miss you very badly...
i've got lots of thing to tell you...
about my work...about my sports life..
i got songs to share...fer you...
please come back safely,...
i really miss you...
badly...

hmm...time now is 4.15 am...im in hoi kan's place...
the rest are watchin tvs...

i jux cannot sleep...

my thoughts are still with her...

tat dae, her smiles and her eyes, soo fresh in my mind...

i keep seeing those things...

im just glad to see her smile everytime we met...

i just felt calm yet light...

she gonna be away, i gonna be alone again...

i gonna miss the time spent with her...

every moments...its still in my mind...i will never replace it with anitin in the world has to offer...

may we be far apart,...but im definately are sure that she's still here...in my heart...

i will hear the music she sent 2 me everyday...

i'll pray fer her everyday,...

fer god, i leave fate and faith 2 him...please protect her...

cherish this soul...

a soul that is so beautifull

dun ever let this person leave me...

fer my fear without her is soo great...

i can nvr imagine it...

please i hope...

please...

i beg u

i can sense it
something just not right
is it just me or my wildest dreams
i hate to feel this

im always feeling hurt
feeling pain
feeling lost
and confused

im a hopeless case in my love life
faith and fate

touching u ppl might say e other time....
but i dun tink so
cux i never get to touched her heart...

i failed
am a failure

im left with god, god's will....

Hehey!

It’s been awhile I update one...lols...

hmm okay, let me see...hahah! yesh I miss my sporting life?!...
where is it? i dunno. lols. hmm, my soccer skills is like going down, like mad..
my stamina is like being cut down to half...six packs turn to one pack.tummy!lols. flexibility and alertness...down!!!...i gained 2 damn kgs... and i feel im not growing anywhere taller!!!..still the same 176...hate tat...nw im 55-56 kg already...no more 53...gosh...

make a comeback! heys, why not but it takes time and patient...one month is merely impossible...but i tink i can...

i've yet to beat my old 2.4km record and tat is 7min 57 sec. i've yet to beat my 400m sprint record; 56 seconds...lols...i must push already, i wanna achieve something fer myself

sport is my passion.

i gonna need to cycle more to lose weight...i gonna need to plan out time schedules fer endurance training...strength ish gym but i dun really go fer strength...i prefer, flexibility and agility...with, from there, strengths can be develope by then...

swimming fer endurance, cycling fer stamina, ladder steps fer coordinations...soccer hmm, skills! i need that! i lost some important touches!

i must work all the way up...again!.. i wanna achieve somethin in my running and tkd especially...i wanna play fer singapore again, if impossible were really spelled as im-possible..!!!

i can do it!

Next,

i not sure about this week...
everything seems like a dream 2 me...

yahs, receive bursary letter few weeks ago , haha kinda
happy of course, er 250 dollars...nt too happy cux i dun tink i really deserve it

haha and today! i just opened the letter box and there it goes!

A letter from yeo cheow tong! i will be receiving a CDC & CCC good progress award!!! 150 dollars.haha soo happy....maybe those hadwork...i derserved it.lols..thank you mr yeo!..

yahs i received a christmas card from Stefanie!!! nice and thanks alot. tats my first ever christmas card in my life! seriously!

haha, my bro kenny had a good concert. went there with evelyn and yahs...i kinda proud of him...he's those guys u dun find easily...hahas..really miss him...the jokes in class...the squeezing of erm erm...haha...yah..i wun be here if nt becux of him...he helped me alot in my chairperson era

my best class chairperson and best student award shall be credited to him also

also, thanks 2 evelyn fer the ticket.lols…its been awhile since we ppl hang out..lols..a few hours yet its smthing precious

hmm, I have been working fer quite awhile nw…kinda weird cux im still able to work despite I hate tat job and those problems I encountered…hmm I learned something valuable, thanks to my colleagues there, the uncles and aunties!..STUDY HARD FER YA FUTURE!. Yesh I wanna have a good future,…fer my family as well as friends….gosh…jia you! I can still hold on…jux 2 more week!

I miss my friends. My class ppl especially!!!..haha, maybe I’ll try 2 organize something…haha, wen im free…cux too busy with working life…yups…miss yap pl lots…

I miss the time, the place and the memories

Anyways

Memories are forged and regained, created by beautiful ppl this week
Ups and down of life!
I can’t believe wads happening 2 me right nw…
Everythin seems 2 be like a dream…indeed I tink it was

Well, hmm wad I gotta sae...hahah!

Yahs, Christmas comin! Yups…
U ppl have a great Christmas alrights…wish all the best and a happy new year!
And er, those ppl who’s going overseas, u noe hu u are lah hors
yups take care and I gonna miss you lots! Lots and lots!

Till den, bye ppl,

Cya soon!

Last chance?
Goodbye? maybe...
Yunru...i ain't gonna 4get ya.

soo far away....for far too long...

hehex, im addicted 2 that song...i've been listening to it for countless times now...
yea, i did prepared the lyrics at the side of this blog..., what makes it soo significant?...jux listen and read those lyrics...you people decide...

Hmm,...yunru has left us, gonna miss her...

Asvin are away....can't share my problems with her...

My family is going overseas soon,... i hate being alone at home...

I might be shifting 2 other house soon... its gonna be aroung cck...but please...i hope it won't be too far away from my friends and neighbours...10 yrs in this block, we neighbours live like a family, did hold great memories...haha!..

she gonna leave soon, i'll pray fer her everyday... i believe alot in my god...
err...lets just hope that we will stay in contact more...

why? i think im fading away from her sight...

she sees nthin special in me

why?

because she don't know how much i love her

why?

because its not even proven to her

why?

because i'm not that sort of her type

why?

because i'm a useless coward...

why? because...the time i spend with you is just soo little...little it can be, i still remebered every moment of it... i really wish i had more time with you...

13 october 2005 and now its 12 december 2006...427 days...how am i gonna continue this journey after all those twist and turns, heartbreaks and rejects, the remembered and the forgotten

OOh yah not to forget, i wanna thank you people for the moral supports despite knowing its merely just impossible ot whatever you ppl thinks... haa you ppl has been a good friends afterall...haha i know its an encouragement fer me but nvm its okay....the thing fer me now its just my decisions... where i go after these..

One thing fer sure, i'm not letting down myself...i'm gonna be a happy man one day...i believe it...

hmm, fer now, i gotta sae i need some time alone, a month maybe, two weeks...haha maybe...

why?

hmm, im going through the next stage of my life. i wanna be a better person, to have everything she needs*...if i could not make it to any gathering or something, don't worry ppl!! its not that im moving away. its just that im working...tight schedule..gosh...haha. and er, you ppl don't need to think that my attitude will change such that i 4get those friends of mine...Nope its not gonna happen!

i will still remember you people, love you people and cherishes you people...

its time fer a change, not that obvious but only those who knows me will sees it or rather those who were observant....enough...heex

the journey had just began...


i did wrote somethin in my phone....something that i've kept for long ,...i wrote inside it because it will somehow release those burdens in my heart...a short phrases

i'll share it now......

i noe im nt tat guy fer ya.nt gd lookin...nt everythin.

im goin fer a change...i realli hope you'll understand...

cux i need you, need you here with me...

will you give me the chance? a chance to hold on to...

i noe ur feeling 2wards me is jux a friend.

my god, i actually have fallen in love with you.

yes i've kept it fer a year now...

keeping those heartbreaks to myself...

keeping everything to myself

pretending myself

and

hurting myself

......

please dun tell me those feelings of mine were merely

useless...

my dear, how i wish you can feel my love...

okay tats all i gonna share..lots of things are meant to be kept secret....till den we will meet again...someday!>...lets me optimistic...you will see that i'm just the same guy you ppl will ever knoe!...haha cya!

P.s : i've not given up!

asvin: u have you own individual qualities.there is only one nazri.in this world only one.no one can replace you.be the best you can be. Dun compare yourself with that person cux what you have he might not have. N sumday...sum guy would also be thinkin wad ur thinkin now,"im nthin compared to nazri"

thanks asvin. haa yupx i still remember those...its been a while...

:)

What will it be now?.

What shld i do?

Yes i miss you

yes i love you

yes i know you know

but why?

i dreamt of you every night...

i once dreamt that u cried infront of me...

as i tried to approach you, the dream ended..

what is the message behind it?...

yes i dreamt that you left me...

yes i dreamt that i was rejected... hard one...

yes i dreamt that moment at the beach...but this time...u said goodbye to me and left me alone there...struggling...

why?.

i tried to forget bout you, thinkin i had no chance...but why my heart is soo...

when i talk to anyone...especially girls...you will always appear in my mind...

when i do work, you were always there...in my mind...

my heart is empty

where is the missing pieces

a scar, nope it is a hole

where are you

i'm here lookin in the skies

saw a moon, a beauty like you

and its been full moon for the past few days...

my life is all about working now...

but i hate this, i worked for the wrong reason...

i want to ask you out, but my time schedule...

tats why i decided to work until one everyday...

but i'm still undecided...

why

cux i'm a loser

hate myself

OKay lets continue....

I attended hoi kan's chalet, thanks to his parents for making this possible for him... and happy birthday hoi kan!

Gosh i'm tired...we played games there, we barbequed, we chat, nice chat with miss ratna, we went to escape theme park, had a memorable beach trip....and more....

The one that is still clear in my mind is the beach visit...we went there right after the theme park...i sat there with eleanor and eric beside me...and look at the sea horizons...the ocean breeze...the clouds, the sunset...damn i gonna miss them...

I did managed to wrote something in my handphone and that is a quote, it stated :

2day, i sit upon these stones. i want to crave something visible yet lasting. i never had the chance.i look upon these clouds, the sea horizons. i saw two lines that merge as one that never end.Such blending beauty like you... Will the pain ever dissapear, the torture, the hearbreak and the memorable ones..

You were there, right there, why can't i talk to you, confess to you,and held you....

Then, the next morning we went there again, this time is just me, eric, evelyn, steffi and steffi. i sat there for quite a long time till they left...when i'm alone, i reflected the past, the memories, the love and the rejects...i keep thinking about her but why? why must it be me?...i try to kept calm but she always appeared in my mind...

Today is the last day i spend time with you, to see you, to...i hate this...

I saw a green bottle floatin in the water, there's a note inside it, i opened it yet there's nothing written inside it...i took it out and slotted in my diary note...and no one knows..nvr do i ever want to see it again...i threw it away...to the sea...

Now its up to me... face to face with the life challenges...face to face with you, face to face with my love...i gonna miss her, i gonna keep this in my heart forever....forever and ever...

I'm finally back home, home sweet home...

Jux woke up from yesterday, i slept at 6.30pm and now i am finally awake at 10.30am...gosh i'm so tired...still blogging is a must, its part of the rule, part of life, part of the memories that's to be written...

Hmm let me see. haa okay...it started of with 27 december...our school prom nite... Its a memorable one... took photos with friends...and some unkown people...haa watever lah...still i gotta say looking at those freinds of mine, i really miss those times spend with them...

After the grad nite, had a call for a job that is 2 be started the next day at 7.30 at toa payoh...ooh shit...not is about 12 and i'm not at home... rushed home with my dad's car and sleep abput 1.30...woke up at 4.30...and out fomr home at 5.30....reach toapayoh at 7 and went to my first try job...a mover...

Its a very tough job, i learned a few life lesson...a old man said to me during the break," if i gotta the chance to study further, i would want it so, look at me now, working for 8 hours, tiring job, no life. all i got is 40 dollars per day..."

I carried several heavy stuffs during the process...i've got two long cuts at my hand and i got bruises at my hand...gosh, its tough so i quit the following day...

i got a news from a friends...about the tangs at seiyu...their gotta vacancies...and they wanted to interview us 2morrow...ohh my i wasted no chance...i got friends who wanted to have them, so i wanted to help them also...

haa, tat very same day, after working there, i went home a staright away pack my bags and went to hoi kan's chalet... i slept at about 2 there and wake up at 4, gosh i'm tired...but i must get my hands on that job for them...

the next day, after quitting my old job, i went to vivo and asked for it...too bad its been vacanted, again i lost the chance...i really hate myself...i'm just too late..failure!...went back to hoi kan's chalet immediately and took a one hour nap...

to be continue