"Emptiness isn't loneliness, it's the missing of you."

My my...how long has it been...2day is 26 so it is the last day of school a month ago..i've miss the time to spend with you, to look at you, to admire you, to talk to you...

My god, you will never know that i've kept this for a year now...its nearly a year now that i've kept quiet... if only time can stood a still... i would want to treasure it till now...

Every morning, its like a new day. i would embrace myself to see you... all i ever do is just wanting to look at your smile...to see you happy is a must...

Once, you were different, it has reached its climax...i'm worried...It doesn't matter to me if you're in love with the other guy...as long as you're happy, i too will be happy...

I remebered trying to buy something to make you happy, but will it do...

Some might has guessed my feelings, some might even know...some got it totally wrong... why can't i tell them the truth...is it that i'm afraid of the fact that my chance is like hope on a dangling string...

Being obvious that i love her, i never showed that because i knew you already had a deep stab in the heart recently that time...you might be looking at me but i will never look at you...i did it purposely so as to not to let anyone know...in actual fact, i did look at you when i've got the chance...

Is being different is all about us not being able to be together... i knew i had no chance at all...i hate that...i hate to feel that, i hate myself...should i try, will she know?..

Last day of school, i try to spend some time with you...i know its difficult 4 me to had all this but it might be the last time we meet....indeed is is the truth...till today, we had not even meet...nor even see...after the o's...sms? okay it is at least something...but i don't feel its enough...

That very same night of the last day of school, i remembered looking at her photos...i ask why?...why must it be now that i hold regrets....i failed to hold on my tears...triggered tears gland but what for?... other guys are going for her and she could be as well with them..rather than me, the ugly one...

if you wanna knoe, she's is such a beauty...she is just those rare, unique with perfect personalities to me...and till today, i dunno why i fall in love with her...

if i were to be with her...she's the beauty and i'm the beast...i hate myself...i'm ugly and useless...

Now all i ever do is being worried how she is?...is she fine?...if i know she fall sick, i went to pray to god..hoping for a cure...exams, let her have an easy time too...god,i let you decide my fate...

What's the point of living if i'm not happy at all....am i ever do everyday is to show everybody those smiles...i'm hurt miserably in the inside and no one knew...on the outside,is all just a lie...

i tried to move on, but i can't. i can't live without you...i am already findin a job and had the freedom to move around but its useless....i'm still unhappy without you...if you only you were here,...in my arms...

If you can give me just one chance, you know i love you, i love you all alone, i really miss you, i keep dreaming of you, i would stop breathing if i can't see you anymore.

Possible?...i know its impossible...

I'm left with two days...2 crucial days...

i miss you

i love you

i hate me

i'm sorry

being far away

is painful...

if only time can stood a stand still when i'm with you....

Hey waddo ya noe?! Exam is over! Over!...okay this is not right. I still felt that its not over?. kinda weird.

Still i did enjoy myself for the past few days! hmm let me see...that last paper yea! right! Design and technology...Right after that, i went to causeway point with zhenguang and eric...had a relax time there...

The next day ....kinda lost track of time...tuesday, we went to bugis and queensway....had an enjoyable trip there...receive a call from my sis and there it goes...prom night stuffs is ready...!!!... err..my budget is bout' 100 dollars. But she spend it close to 300 dollars from Topman at orchard...My god, i gonna die...she bought me a scarf(20), jeans(139), a long sleeve shirt(89), a belt(50), a long sleeve winter vest(49)...k it exceeds....i know...to much for me to ask for.... The thing is she promised me a computer for my birthday...and she was quick to buy me this stuffs...so no computer for me....haix...

Still, i love my sis...She is evrything in this world....she is the best sis you can ever find....both of you!!! thanks alots...love ya

Hmm....wads more...if i include my jacket, another levis jeans and adidas shoe i bought recently....its about 250 dollars....sooooooOO it means i have spend close to 500 dollars after exam,..!!!....not counting on foods, travels, and acessories i've bought.... dammit...i must stop now...relax...haa....

Then on wednesday....i, yen lee, eveleen and zhen went to vivo and suntec... i've been searchin for a canvas shoe...i like the converse tongue type...but it costs about 55 dollars...damn it....that shoe is the most suitable one for grad night!...haix...nvm...still got time...

My clothin for the prom will be completely different...i wearing winter type clothes...since the them is ' world carnival' like me travelling to other countries...hey why not!!! lets travel to switzerland since its snowing there and there's chocolates there!!!

Hey waddo ya know i still haben ask someone 2 be my partner for the prom....ooh shit!!!....okay time to decide... even my sis asked" so who's your partner?" darn...pressurised...

okay, today i went to angmokio for a job application....it wages is about 90 per night and 80 per morning...i've went to the interview., waiting for the call!...haa...

OKay thats all... haix

I miss her! i miss you, i miss my friends, my classmates, my primary school friends...and again i miss her...all i ever do is missing her...wad 2 do!

OKay, i have 2 more papers and i'm slacking. What the hell!!!. I've bought myself a levis jean, a pair of adidas shoe and a jacket.

One of the photos taken of me wearing the jacket. Man! i'm in love with it



Today, a rainy day as per normal. Despite that, i went tot he gym had a few 45 mins workout. Its a quick one but worthwhile. Ran 10 rounds of the stadium despite the rain. I felt happy to know that my stamina is there. When i speed along the corners, a few dejavu was there... Its been a long time. Used to run with my juniors there. Today however was the best time for me to run. Its because that i'm running alone. There are not even a single soul on the track cux of the rain. I ran all the way till those pains dissapear. A little but its something important to me.... the wind blew past me, taking away those problems. Yea, peace to me!

Tonight i gonna start studyin all the way till 3. Thats the best part. I get 2 love studying as time went by. Lets embrace myself.!

How do you describe the tears of joy,..happiness or even sorrow. We humans are created by god to cry; not only to release those dark-long kept sorrows but also for joy and happiness.

Everyday we prayed to god, hoping that he would answers our prayers. The Word 'hope'. What makes it so significant in some way. It is said that as long as there's life, there's hope. As long there's hope, there's a way.

We always pray for the best. Hoping to live well in this complicated world. Religion is there to guide us through a straight path. But we as humans, do we realise that? never unless we came across with problems.

You spend time with your loved ones everyday. Why 'loved' ones? you'll decide. A family turns to a friend. A friend turns to? A family of course.

We watch dramas, movies and read books regarding love. What is truly meant by that. We watched that it always end with a happy ending. So too those fairy tales like Cinderella and Snow White. How i wish i had a happy ending...

Silence. A secret? Why? Is it that because you were to hurt yourself to tell anyone? or is it you were to scard to tell anyone?. Secrets are meant to be told? You sure about it? To me it can never be told. Why? its been a year i kept it. why let it out now?

A journey full of happiness and tears. Is it part of your life? every collective terms of expreience are so called 'building blocks of you life' . They keep on calling us to move on. What if i can't? What if i have to? Would it be happiness for me? Its always not me who decides... but those who i met. Every person that you met actually change your life in a way. In a way that you'll never realise.

Today, i surrender to god; my faith and loyalty. My fate, my heart, my feelings and my souls. The rejects and the accepts. The brokens and the intacts. The fragile and the strong ones. I can never overcome it. The feeling of inevitable pain is always there. Now its just me alone, alone in the world that has 2 rooms. Towards light or darkness.

dONE BY : nazri - a tribute to the pain i had till today.

A song that is so meaningful yet tragic.

Retreat.

The sky is gray, as if it has cried

After leaving you, I am not any more free

The sour air produces the smell of our distance

The newest result is like breathing, unable to cease

The yellowed-diary in the drawer has found its recollections

That smile resembles the season of summer

Our past can really be considered to be forgotten

The lack of oxygen after love is like the tears of stars, it is unneccesary

I know that neither of us are at fault

We just forgot how to retreat

Our oath made its best effort, but it allowed time to make it empty

I know that neither of us are at fault

It is just that it will be better if we separate

The most beautiful love is the type that we carry on in our memories

End

"The most beautiful love is the type that we carry on in our memories"

15/11/06